Hi. Welcome to my blog. I'm not sure what kinds of things I'll be posting here in the future. Hopefully you will find it all interesting and thought-provoking, perhaps even disturbing or controversial--who knows?
I'm going to begin the blog by analyzing some of my own pictures. For those who always ask "What does it mean?" this will provide some long-awaited answers. As I've stated elsewhere, I don't usually start the creation of an image with a concrete idea or concept in mind, but rather try to let images arise spontaneously from my subconscious. When the image is finished, I still don't delve too deeply into it's possible meanings. I have more fun letting other people tell me what they think it means. (When they have something more intelligent to say than "Dude--you must have done a lot of acid.")
I am now, however, going to attempt to "deconstruct" some of my own images for the first time. These observations and insights will be made on the fly as I write. Here we go...
*extra credit: look up Carl Jung's concept of the Shadow and the mythology of Pluto, the planet and the god.*
This picture seems to be about my dysfunctional childhood. My parents had a horrible marriage and were constantly at each other's throats, so it's actually puzzling to me why I chose to draw the parental figures embracing, as this was a sight that was practically non-existent in my childhood home. More specifically, I think the theme of the picture is my sense of disconnection from my parents, which grew greater as my parents' marriage disintegrated and they both turned to me as a confidant and conspirator against the other. As you may or may not know, putting a child in a double-bind position like that where loving one parent means betraying the other can really screw a kid up. What resulted was a distancing and disconnecting on my part from both of them and a feeling that I couldn't really trust them. This seems to me to be why I am standing alone (the child represents me obviously) facing away from my parents and they are huddled in a unit which doesn't include me.
The parents' facelessness comes from a childhood dream which occurred shortly after I had moved to a new neighborhood and new school at age 7. In the dream, I'm exploring my old school with a friend as if it were a museum. We're part of a tour group which we get separated from. We climb a flight of stairs to find residential apartments. We enter one of the apartments and inside there are tropical plants and trees and a shallow wading pool. We're dazzled by the lushness of it and the wonder of an oasis inside an apartment. The owner of the apartment suddenly appears and is angry with us for intruding. He is wearing a smoking jacket a la Hugh Hefner and has no face. My friend and I are terrified and run out of the apartment, down the stairs and out of the building. My parents are waiting for me in a car. We drive back to my new house. We pull into the driveway and my parents turn to look at me in the back seat and they too have no faces! This was where I awoke. I believe the facelessness represents the emotional disconnection I felt from my parents. In the dream, there were no smiles or other facial cues that I could find comforting and I could not gage their mood or how they felt about me without a face. Looking back even further, the source of the dream image was an old Jimmy Olson (Superman's pal) comic book owned by one of my elementary school classmates where some super-villain erases Jimmy's face for some reason I can't remember.
*If anyone wants to analyze the rest of the dream feel free to write me.*
In the picture my eyes have been gouged out. This seems to represent the fact that I could not deal with my parents' constant negativity and so tried to hide from it by not "seeing" it. In so doing, I wounded myself by cutting myself off from other social realities involving friends, classmates, teachers, etc. I could no longer see things as they really were in a social context. Avoidance and expectation of painful interactions became my default behaviors, and so I was "blinded."
My nakedness in contrast to my parents' being clothed seems to represent my vulnerability. The empty dilapidated house we're in represents the state of depression and emotional bleakness that had become the family norm; the lack of love and warmth, the neglect. The boy seems to be screaming because he's in pain and my childhood was indeed painful in many ways. It also seems to be an attempt to be heard over the din of my parents' bickering.
The parent's seeming closeness could also represent the bright sunny facade they put on when there were guests or other people around, only to turn back into Mr. and Mrs. Hyde when they were once again alone with each other.
Strange footnote: Many years ago, someone I didn't know--a young man--called me while I was out. The message was that this person REALLY NEEDED to know what this picture meant. There was a kind of urgency and desperation to this query that really creeped me out, so, needless to say, I did not return the call.
January 16 2011